5.

It began out of frustration.

My roommate texted me and asked me to pick up some 'orange juice, paper towels and" .......and then I deleted it. I knew the third item was something that began with a T. Toilet paper came to mind. Nope. Tissues. Nope. ToastTrampolineTigerThanksgiving? NOPENOPENOPENOPE!

I brave Foodmaster and get the OJ, the paper towels and say 'Fuck it' and get toilet paper knowing that we have roughly 18 rolls at the apartment due to said roommates fear of understocked toiletries.

At home, as I walk in the door, and after a good 15 minute fight with the lock, my brain screams "TRASH BAGS!" and as a side note whispers '.... caaat fooood'.

uuugh, so another fight with the lock- back in the car- this time to store 24- grab cat food- grab trash bags- grab bread- reach for goldfish- and pause. I think of my addiction. My addiction to bland. Give me a sleeve of unsalted saltines and see what happens. I dare you. Open a bag of oyster crackers near me and you better run. Unsalted pretzels, 16 ounces down in 16 seconds. Pair that with some dip, I'll do it in 14 seconds! Then there are goldfish. Cute, small enough to fit a heaping handful in your mouth, 4 grams of fat per serving*, Goldfish. And I yip "YEP!" and bring my groceries to the register.

Back home, coat still on, I open the bag and begin the journey. I hardly noticed the first 30 pieces. I was in a deep state of satisfaction.....which led to the next 30 and that gives you one serving. The following 70 or so was a blur. This is when I think to myself 'I'm so sick of these, and I've eaten so many.....but I need to finish the bag.' In go 5 more pieces. 'Nooooooo, I'm so ashamed.' A tear rolls down my cheek as I look in the bag at the remaining 20ish pieces. 2 more. 'Dammit, Gina, STOP.' 3 more and I briskly close the bag and throw it across the room.

Cut to Gina laying in bed at about midnight. Book in one hand, other hand wheedling around the bottom of a Goldfish bag.....which brings us to 6 servings of Goldfish snack crackers.

I asked 9 people, "What are your thoughts on eating an entire bag of Goldfish?:

TAFT: "I would be against it, but I assume you have already done it."
JUDI: "I've done it, and I'll do it again"
TONY: "Hey, whatever. As long as you're having fun!"
SAM: "I wouldn't want to do it, but sometimes you just have to eat what's there"
CHRIS: "It's an easy task. It has to be done."
ALEX: "I can't do it. I can only eat massive amounts of pizza and pancakes. Generally food that begins with a P."
GINA V: ahahahahahaha, hmmm...I think nothing of it!"
THOM: "mmmmm. Are they PIZZA BLASTED?!"
NIKI: "I'm pretty sure I've done it. How drunk were you?"

g.m.b


*Serving size = 60 pieces
Servings per container= about 6
Needle on the scale= 5 ticks to the right
You can do the math.